Infidelity is the utmost mistake that destroys most relationships. Forgiving infidelity is not easy, as it destabilizes the three pillars of the relationship: love, trust, and respect. Cheating on you makes you doubtful about how committed your partner is in love with you. It's up to you to fix whether you can recover trust in your partner and restore the relationship. Sometimes, you feel you can't. That's normal. However, if you decide to pardon your partner for cheating on you, these are the key steps to take:
Understanding why people cheat?
You cannot forgive a mistake if you do not understand the reason why people make such a mistake. For sins like infidelity, if you do not understand why your partner would cheat on you, you will not know how to forgive them.
A cheater often makes false explanations: it was just a mistake! I was weak in that short moment! I was searching for what I mistakenly thought was missing in the relationship! You know what? All these are fake explanations. People cheat intentionally! However, it does not mean they intend to ruin your relationship. It does neither mean they do not love you. People cheat on their partners and still love them.
There are various reasons people cheat. Let us see some which repetitively come out in the counselling rooms. People cheat on their partners when they feel they are no longer loved by their mates and seek refuge. Other people cheat on their partners due to the lack of emotional and sexual connection in the relationship. Others change into cheaters because of the influence of evil companions outside the relationship, who do not care if you are in a relationship. Some others have infidelity resulting from lousy management of conflicts in a relationship.
Some also may cheat because of unsolved childhood issues or background issues. Others may be victims of dependency when the couple cannot satisfy their needs themselves, and one seeks support outside the relationship. The most dangerous reason for infidelity is sex addiction. However, for whatever reason, any person who decides to cheat does it deliberately.
To rebuild a strong relationship, a cheater must confess honestly and accept all their responsibilities without making themselves the victims of an unanticipated event. That's the worst mistake.
How does infidelity affect partners?
Before you forgive the cheater, you should know how infidelity affects you and your partner. A betrayed person who feels disappointed and worthless can also have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A cheater on their side may feel anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and trouble.
Are you obliged to forgive a cheater?
Since infidelity destroys the cheater and the betrayed partner, forgiveness is vital in the relationship. However, practices vary depending on the predispositions of the betrayed person. Some people decide to never give a second chance to the cheater to avoid being hurt again. Others forgive but choose to forget the cheater, while others will forgive infidelity if they judge the confession as honest and wholehearted.
Forgiving infidelity is the most challenging thing in a relationship. It requires much effort, hope, morality, and a solid understanding to recover trust and intimacy. Even for those who choose to forgive, it is not easy to rebuild a relationship after infidelity.
Some questions to ask yourself before forgiving a cheater.
Can we recover what we lost?
Can I move on without keeping this resentment against my partner for cheating on me?
Am I ready to leave it, or do I need to be lonely for a while?
Should we request assistance from professionals?
Is a cheater pretending to be sorry, or do they genuinely repent it?
After these questions, if you find yourself prepared to give your relationship a second chance, it's time to try to see how.
How to forgive a cheater
If you decide to forgive; if you want to recover your relationship, you may follow the following tips:
1. Accept your feelings
Whatever feelings you may have, such as anger, nervousness, sadness, betrayal, and other strong emotions, should be taken as natural and usual. You may not want to see the cheater. You may not want to hear any story about your relationship anymore. Do not judge them as unacceptable. Accept them and listen to your body's feelings but pay attention and control it. Do not react promptly.
2. Have long and mature discussions
It would be best if you took enough time to feel your pain. Once things cool down, take enough time also to talk to the cheater. Talk about anything related to your relationship before and after infidelity. Express all your feelings without hurting the cheater. Keep the respect you owe to your partner. However, do not hide anything that hurts you. Then, listen carefully to the confessions of your partner.
Although they have destroyed the trust they deserved, give them a chance to repair it if they are committed to your relationship. They will wholeheartedly apologize. Active listening will ensure the cheater that they still deserve your kind attention and care. Positive communication will help you rebuild your relationship.
3. Set limitations
Forgiveness is vital, but it is also necessary to set boundaries and never let the cheater steal happiness from you by taking your forgiveness for granted and hurting your heart with their repetitive disloyalties. The cheater should truly regret their sin and not pretend to be sorry. You must set what is acceptable behaviour and what is disrespectful. You must ensure they are not lying to you without controlling them everywhere. You must be sure you are not manipulated, but you should not also play the police. Your relationship should rely on regained trust. Otherwise, the cheater is not forgiven. Forgiveness implies liberty in the relationship.
4. Recover your old habits
The cheater, as well as yourself, may feel shameful and lose self-esteem and confidence. Do not let these feelings steal your family's happiness. Take time to work on yourselves and explore each other again. Propose to your partner some of your old hobbies, and visit your families and your old friends together to gain emotional support.
5. Do not pretend to forget
Forgive is not forget. You are bound to forgive and move on, but never pretend that nothing has shocked your relationship. Do not forget that some people do not change, no matter how deep they apologize. Keep a kind of control room. Do not let yourself be manipulated by their emotions. Accompany them on the way to complete repentance and progressively recover your trust in them.