When one spouse departs the marriage abruptly and typically without displaying any indication that they are unhappy with the union, this is known as spousal abandonment syndrome.
In today's society, it is an increasing trend both in the United States and abroad. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is the antithesis of the conventional divorce, which often occurs after years of attempting to resolve issues in a marriage.
When spousal abandonment occurs, there is no sign that one of the partners is dissatisfied or thinking about getting a divorce. They simply go without saying goodbye, leaving a note on the kitchen table or sending an email to inform the other party that the partnership is over.
Contrary to conventional assumption, happy, stable relationships can endure Spousal Abandonment Syndrome. A large number of these couples are viewed favourably by their social circle as morally good individuals who are happy with one another.
Everyone, with the exception of the parting spouse who has been preparing for it for many months, if not years, is astonished by the unexpected dissolution of the marriage. Obviously, someone who is abruptly abandoned is compelled to reevaluate her earlier perceptions of her partner.
Couples who split have several characteristics in common:
- They are typically guys.
- They are successful in careers that are socially accepted, such as those in business, the church, medicine, and law.
- They have been pretending that everything is OK even though they have been secretly unhappy in their marriage for years.
- They continue to have an affair as they leave for the girlfriend.
- They break up a conversation to announce their abrupt departure. One example would be a phone call where the husband abruptly announces, "I just can't do this anymore," while the couple is talking about something irrelevant.
- Marriage dissolution occurs soon once the husband has told his wife that he is leaving her. He's moving in with his girlfriend, but he'll still keep in touch with the wife and kids on a limited basis.
- He will place blame on his wife rather than accept responsibility for his actions, rewriting the events of their marriage to make it appear to be a very sad one.
He fully embraces his new identity. If the girlfriend is younger, he will start acting younger, imitating her musical tastes, hanging out with her friends, and dressing more youthfully in order to fit in with his new lifestyle.
The discarded wives also have some characteristics in common:
- They might have been the "other lady" the husband left his first wife for.
- They had no notion that there was trouble in the marriage.
- They believed themselves to be in a safe relationship because their life revolved around their spouses, homes, and families.
- They had great faith in them.
- He also abruptly abandoned his first wife.
The spouse who has been abandoned will go through the usual stages after learning of her husband's abrupt departure.
In the beginning, she will be perplexed and shocked. Nothing had prepared her for this unexpected occurrence that would alter her life. It could be difficult to handle this disturbing sensation.
She might begin to question everything she had believed to be true about the marriage. In fact, partners who are about to break up with their partners seem interested and attentive.
They aren't necessarily injurious or cruel. The lady can have second thoughts about her ability to trust others again and keep replaying specific events from their marriage in her mind to look for signs of unhappiness.
In hindsight, strange behaviours will begin to make sense. How many last-minute business trips are there? He had arranged to see his lover. The bank statement's recorded cash withdrawals? When paying for hotel rooms or meals at restaurants with her, he didn't want to use a credit card.
He changed his outfit, joined a new gym, and the time spent in front of the mirror. Now the wife understands that this was not done for her benefit.
Enduring sudden desertion while escaping unscathed
In the days and weeks that followed his abandonment, it's crucial that you gave yourself permission to grieve.
Your partner, your relationship, and your status as a happily married couple are all now gone, and this is something that is very crucial.
When you are ready, look for a therapist with experience treating patients who have suffered through spouse abandonment syndrome.
Your counsellor will give you specialised assistance for the phases you are going through and be able to give you professional guidance on how to proceed to the best of their ability.
In addition to receiving in-person counselling, there are several websites that focus on spouse abandonment where you may learn about other victims' journeys to recovery and get support in online forums.
It helps you feel like you belong and makes you aware that you're not alone. Make sure you have knowledgeable legal representation, especially if you believe your husband is trying to cheat you out of any assets that are legally yours and the children's.
Engage in things that make you feel good, such as life-affirming reading material, movies, songs, workouts, friendships, and nutritious foods, to distract yourself from your emotions.
This is not suggest that you minimise your suffering. Just avoid letting it define who you are.
Rely on time. With this experience, you'll become more resilient and self-aware. Nonetheless, the process of change will proceed at its own speed. Treat yourself with kindness and patience.
Being abandoned by someone you love is among the worst emotions you can experience in life. Keep your life, though! Things will improve and you'll emerge from this experience with grace and a greater capacity for love. Allow your family and friends to be there for you both now and in the future.